I am mostly writing this post for myself - as a means of trying to put down in form some of the many thoughts that have passed through my mind since Friday. I have had trouble finding words up until this point, and, in all truth, have done my best to avoid thoughts on the situation, but I feel it helpful to use this as a source of release at this point, so I can push it out and make room for more pleasant things in my mind...
Ironically, I was waiting in the pick up line at the little one's school on Friday when I heard about the incident at Sandy Hook. My heart sank as the details became clearer to me, and I could not even begin to wrap my mind around the tragedy. Moments later, I fought back tears as I saw my own smiling child exit through the school doors and head toward my car - struggling against the overwhelming urge to get out of the car and run to meet her where I could scoop her up safe in my arms. I brought her home as usual, gave her even bigger, longer hugs than I usually do and acted as if it were any other afternoon, but in truth at that point all that was running through my head was that I would never let her out of my sight again - the world is a scary place. I decided that for my own sanity, I needed to put it aside and took care over the weekend to stay away from all the television, radio and constant Facebook chatter about it. I won't lie and say it wasn't incredibly difficult to drop her off at school on Monday. The larger than life police car parked in front of the school and the uniformed officer at the door added to the anxiety rather than helping it. I came home and had a private moment to myself to shed a few tears over those that had been lost and those that were left behind. It just hits way too close to home - as I'm sure it does for every
parent out there, but I realize that we cannot change what happened -
we can only send our sympathies to those affected, grieve in our own way
and move forward.
And so now the healing begins - people are seeking answers - as they always do. People are looking for someone to blame or action to take. I see
discussions arguments everywhere about gun control, video game/movie violence, school security or a godless society that needs prayer in schools, and while I see some valid and not so valid points on those topics - one thing is being blatantly left out here - human beings. Are we missing the key point that this act of violence was not carried out by a gun acting by itself or a downfall in school procedure or the devil possessing a human body - it was a human being that did this. A human being that perhaps just needed some kindness or attention in their life that they never got - or maybe even some psychiatric care that was not available. Maybe they just needed someone to notice that they were struggling towards that breaking point and to intervene on their behalf to save them from themselves. I think that we as human beings need to consider and become more aware of our fellow man. Be kind to those around us. Notice those that are alone or struggling and try to help them in the ways that we are able - whether it be through friendship and support or through guiding them to get the mental health help that they require - and making sure that that help is accessible. Look out for one another. It is happening way too often that individuals are being ignored, abused, bullied and belittled to the point that they feel so alone and angered that their answer is violence. Can we stop this with a little love and compassion? I don't know for sure - none of us do. In a time where everyone wants answers, I hate to admit that there are none - not easy, concrete ones at least, but I can tell you this - it's certainly not going to hurt to do our best to be kind and aware and make everyone feel that they are loved and that they matter. I'm not unrealistic, and I do realize that this problem cannot be "loved" away either. There are many out there that have such a confused mental state that a little kindness is not going to fix them, but being aware and realistic about those issues and taking the steps to keep those individuals and others safe from their potential actions is a necessity. We, as a society, have got to learn to respect and protect each other.
