I am a person who despises clutter. I honestly have trouble sleeping in a room where things are untidy or unorganized. The hubby has actually gotten a little annoyed with me on more than one occasion in the past where I tossed out or donated things on one of my decluttering rampages, so I have learned over the years that no matter how useless that little electronic thingamajig looks - keep it unless you ask him, because surely as soon as you toss it your husband will come looking for it, but I digress...
My love of decluttering brings me to the topic at hand - Spring Cleaning - love, love, love it! I have a feeling there are a good percentage of folks that will read that comment and curse me a little - perhaps the words "crazy freak" come to mind? Or the now infamous "ain't nobody got time for that" phrase? That's right, I'm the weirdo that actually gets excited about cleaning, re-organizing the house and getting rid of stuff. It's amazing to me that even though I constantly tidy up, we still manage to acquire a bunch of clutter throughout the year. I like to blame it on the hubby and the little one, but admittedly some of it belongs to me as well. I like to do Fall and Spring cleaning as a means of re-organization. Even if there is not tons to be recycled or trashed, it's a nice time to do some deep cleaning and re-evaluate the current organization of things. Refresh everything. And it feels so great when it's done!
I think I will dedicate some posts over the next couple of weeks while I am working on the house to sharing my current organization/decluttering methods and tips. I've already just about finished the master bedroom, bathroom and closets, so I'll probably share those first.
Stay Tuned...
Update: my sisters and I have started a blog with lots of great organizing tips, recipes, craft projects, greener, healthier living tips and ideas, etc, so I am blogging my organizational posts over there for the Spring Cleaning fest...check it out: http://awisewomansaid.blogspot.com/
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Being Selfish
For most of my life, I have been a people pleaser, a natural care-giver, a shoulder to lean on. I like to make others happy. I like to take care of others. It's kind of who I am. There's nothing wrong with that usually. In fact, the tender heart that I used to curse for making me a vulnerable target I now wear on my sleeve proudly, because, as I said, it's who I am, and I would rather be overly caring and vulnerable any day as opposed to being a callous, self-centered individual. And truth be told, it makes me happy to care about others.
There is, however, a virtual line that has to be drawn in the dirt. That point where one begins to focus so much on others' wants and needs that it begins to deter from their own happiness or fulfillment. You can't always put everyone's needs ahead of your own, and you can't focus on helping others in an attempt to hide from facing your own emotional baggage. I had reached such a point. I had managed to continuously stuff my own wants, needs and emotions into a dark space in the corner of a closet - hidden but not forgotten - choosing to focus on anything but me, and let me tell you friends, that's not a healthy place to be. Something had to give, because, as we all know, you can only shove so much stuff into a space before it overflows, and when it does you're left with a mess of anger, resentment and grief.
So, for the past few months, I have been doing a lot of work on me. No one else. And in order to tackle this huge mound of emotional junk, I had to employ a tactic I'm not so fond of - being selfish. I couldn't worry about who I thought might need me or what I could do to make others happy. I just had to focus on me. You see, decluttering your soul is a difficult task, but just like decluttering anything else in your life, it feels so good when you make progress. It takes time and courage to confront things that you should have dealt with a long time ago - to finally truly feel them and all the emotions that accompany them and then to make peace and let go. There's even a little sense of grief and loss as you let them go when you've held on to certain moments, certain emotions for so long, but I guess when something has been a part of who you are for so long, it makes sense to mourn it a little once it's gone. It's been a very personal process, because one of the hardest parts about all this is that you have to do it yourself. No one else can feel those emotions, or relive those moments or tell you how to react and feel. Don't get me wrong - a friend, family member or therapist can certainly listen and be there for you, but in the end it is up to you.
I'm still a work in progress. Aren't we all? I still have things I'm working through, but I have come so far, and am starting on the fun part now which is learning who I am without those bottled up things from the past. There's room in my life now to rebuild relationships and try new things - find out who I am when I'm not helping people with one hand while holding the full closet door closed with the other. And I feel like this is an instance where being selfish was a good thing. I would not want to be so egocentric all the time, but I have learned that there's nothing wrong with some self focus. I think it's a matter of finding that balance, and I'm on my way.
There is, however, a virtual line that has to be drawn in the dirt. That point where one begins to focus so much on others' wants and needs that it begins to deter from their own happiness or fulfillment. You can't always put everyone's needs ahead of your own, and you can't focus on helping others in an attempt to hide from facing your own emotional baggage. I had reached such a point. I had managed to continuously stuff my own wants, needs and emotions into a dark space in the corner of a closet - hidden but not forgotten - choosing to focus on anything but me, and let me tell you friends, that's not a healthy place to be. Something had to give, because, as we all know, you can only shove so much stuff into a space before it overflows, and when it does you're left with a mess of anger, resentment and grief.
So, for the past few months, I have been doing a lot of work on me. No one else. And in order to tackle this huge mound of emotional junk, I had to employ a tactic I'm not so fond of - being selfish. I couldn't worry about who I thought might need me or what I could do to make others happy. I just had to focus on me. You see, decluttering your soul is a difficult task, but just like decluttering anything else in your life, it feels so good when you make progress. It takes time and courage to confront things that you should have dealt with a long time ago - to finally truly feel them and all the emotions that accompany them and then to make peace and let go. There's even a little sense of grief and loss as you let them go when you've held on to certain moments, certain emotions for so long, but I guess when something has been a part of who you are for so long, it makes sense to mourn it a little once it's gone. It's been a very personal process, because one of the hardest parts about all this is that you have to do it yourself. No one else can feel those emotions, or relive those moments or tell you how to react and feel. Don't get me wrong - a friend, family member or therapist can certainly listen and be there for you, but in the end it is up to you.
I'm still a work in progress. Aren't we all? I still have things I'm working through, but I have come so far, and am starting on the fun part now which is learning who I am without those bottled up things from the past. There's room in my life now to rebuild relationships and try new things - find out who I am when I'm not helping people with one hand while holding the full closet door closed with the other. And I feel like this is an instance where being selfish was a good thing. I would not want to be so egocentric all the time, but I have learned that there's nothing wrong with some self focus. I think it's a matter of finding that balance, and I'm on my way.
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