You're NOT my mom...

When the hubby and I moved in together many moons ago (okay, it was 12 1/2 years ago, but many moons sounds more dramatic), it was a package deal. See, I not only got a terrific guy in my life, but I also got his little girl. She was around 2 at the time, and I will never forget the initial terrifying feeling the first time she called him daddy in front of me, and I realized that this was a HUGE very real deal. If I decided to move in with and possibly marry this man, it meant that I had to also be willing to be an "instant mom" to this sweet little girl. Could I love her the way she deserved? Could I be a good mom? Was I ready for all this? Long story a little shorter - I took the leap and never looked back. And, I've been lucky as she has always been this reasonable, sweet, laid back child for the most part. She and I accepted each other with open arms and hearts, and I have always felt fortunate to call her my daughter.

I have always tried to treat her the way that I would if she were my own daughter by birth, and although she doesn't have the most healthy relationship with her biological mom, I have never tried to push my way in, because I acknowledge that I am not technically her mother. I have tried to be the mother that she needs and deserves without pushing. I know as a mother to my own little one now that I would have a BIG problem with anyone else trying to mother my little girl, so I try my best to respect that boundary where my stepdaughter and her mother's relationship is concerned, even if I feel that she doesn't deserve "mom of the year". It hasn't always been easy. Being a stepparent is a tricky thing, and unfortunately, I know way too many stepparent/stepchild relationships that are not in a good place.

Although my stepdaughter and I have always had a good relationship, I've often wondered if the day would come - the dreaded day - where we would butt heads (because we do from time to time - I mean, she IS a teenager after all), and those horrible words would come out of her mouth - "You're NOT my mom!" We all know how teens can be, and it would not be a shock for that moment to happen during one of their "I know everything, and you can't tell me otherwise" rants. What I didn't expect, what left me a little speechless and unprepared, and what brought tears to my eyes quicker than the previous comment might have was to hear the following words from my stepdaughter last night... "I know that my mom gave birth to me, and she is my "mom", but in all other ways, you have always been my mom - you ARE my mom, and you're a great mom." Talk about a flood of emotion! I felt love, gratitude, relief...knowing that she gets it. Without using the words through these years, she felt it, she knows that I've done my best to be a mother to her in every way that I know how. That's all I'll ever need to know - that she feels that she has had a mom (and a "good" one at that), because everyone deserves to have that. I know I shouldn't have needed to hear that - simply knowing it in my own heart should be enough - but it felt great nonetheless, and I feel even more appreciative that this amazing little girl forever changed me 12 1/2 years ago and continues to do so.