Just Like Me?

I think that as a mom, I have always been under the assumption that my daughter is just like me, which is kind of funny given that I discovered a long time ago that while I have similarities to my own mom, we are very different people. I think a lot of us make that assumption about our children. That they look like us, think like us, act like us, and then we are surprised when we realize that they are this whole other unique person. We can't predict how they feel or reason with situations, because we are not them. We have to allow them to be who they are, throw out all our assumptions and get to know who they really are inside.

This translates into many areas of our lives, but where it has become most evident for me is through this homeschooling journey with my little one. I'm discovering new things about her each day. And, I've realized that I started out instinctively making plans and predictions based on how I think, learn and function best, while what's really important to creating a successful and fulfilling learning environment is to pay attention and learn what the child needs. So, we are adapting to ways of gathering knowledge that work for her. But not only am I finding out more about her learning style, I am also learning more about just how she thinks and operates in that beautiful, little mind of hers. We spend so much more time together now that she's with me all day, and so we also share so many conversations than ever before. I'm in love with seeing more of her perspective and getting to really know and embrace this amazing individual that is my daughter. I see similarities, but also so many differences, and I love that we are sharing this time getting to just be with one another.

Get A Little Perspective

I live in a household with a bunch of night owls. Seriously, these people can stay up late and sleep half the day away like nobody's business. Me? I'm definitely not a super early to bed, early to rise gal, but I am usually the first one to go to bed in this house. I've gotten used to it, and actually, it works out pretty well for me, as I enjoy a quiet household when I first wake up in the morning. Gives me a chance to sip my tea, read a bit, mess around on the ipad before the day really gets moving around here.

As I attempted to go to sleep last night, my hubby and 2 kiddos were chatting away and playing a game together...in our bedroom. The home office is a part of the master bedroom, and since they were in need of the computer for this game  - voila - noisy bedroom. For a moment, I lay there, annoyed. Too noisy, too chatty, too bright. Then, I'm not sure why, but my perspective changed as I remembered - the sounds of my beautiful girls laughing and having fun, the sounds of my hubby bonding with his children...those are some of my favorite sounds. They are the sounds of home that I am thankful for. And I drifted off peacefully to sleep with happiness overflowing from my heart. Just a reminder friends - that it's all about perspective. With all situations in life, we can focus on what's negative and be annoyed and stressed about it, or we can find the positive and embrace it. I challenge you to turn potential negative situations around and find the good in life today!

What Do You Do All Day?!?

As a stay at home mom, I find that often people wonder - what the heck do you do all day? I recently found myself questioning that very thing and getting a little down on myself. What do I really do all day? Could my time be better spent? Am I a lazy housewife that spends most of her time watching tv or on the ipad? So, I decided to put my doubt on the line. Document what I actually do in a week, and let me tell you, I am a pretty efficient gal if I do say so myself. I doubt that many people could fit in the tasks that I do each week and still manage to have time for themselves and their families, so bravo and pat on the back to me! It's okay to be proud and brag on that for a moment! I think the problem arises when I tend to dismiss all those things as trivial and unimportant when in fact, most of them are the very things that keep life running around this household. I also tend to feel that things don't count unless they are completed, for example, if I do a portion of the project but the entire thing is not complete, I don't give it merit. But here's the thing that kept nagging at me as I continued to think about this - is that what really matters?

Here's my new goal - rather than worrying about what I do in a day and base a successful day off of how much I completed - ask myself the more important questions - did I get joy out of today? Did I spend time with those people that matter most to me? Did I pursue those things that fuel my passion for life? Those are the things that matter.

Busy Bees

We're coming up on the one year anniversary of when we bought this house! Wow! It seems like we've lived here so much longer, partly, because we've done SO much work on our home already and partly, because it honestly already felt like home the minute we walked in the door - like it had always been meant for us. That's really what drew us to this house to begin with. 

The only thing that we weren't in love with when we chose our home was the fact that many things, while in good condition, just seemed so dated. So, we've been busy, little bees working on updating and making it fit our tastes. So far, so good! I'll be sharing some pics soon of some of the various projects. Right now, we're finishing up a lengthy DIY kitchen remodel...finally! And are in the middle of both remodeling our fireplace and our craft/study room. 

We've learned something from our ever growing list of projects. Every time you get one project going, another idea stems from it, and the list expands more. Don't get me wrong, we love our ideas list! The hubby and I are actually having a lot of fun imagining, planning and creating together, but it's kind of becoming a joke in our household that the hubby and I have a second home at the Home Depot. I think we might have to stop spending time on home improvement websites and pinterest, so that we can slow down the growth of the projects list and catch up a bit! LOL Lots going on! Stay Tuned!

One Moment

As we've begun homeschooling, I've quickly learned over the past few months that it's pretty much guaranteed that you're going to experience a lot of self doubt when you're homeschooling - at least initially. Am I doing this right? Are my kids learning anything? Are they learning enough? Am I teaching them the right things?

And here's one moment that cancelled much of that doubt for me...

I've been doing a lot of thinking since we embarked on this homeschool journey about what my goals are. What do I see as a positive end result, a symbol of success? If I could choose a main goal for our homeschool experience what would it be? For me, it would be that my child learns to love learning. Not that she memorizes a zillion useless facts or can blow people away with her intelligence, but simply that she enjoys learning new things and actively seeks out knowledge for the rest of her life. No dread of cracking open a book to look something up out of obligation, but instead a desire and enthusiasm to do so of her own accord.

I'll be honest, this frightened me a bit at first. Not because it's an unattainable goal or because it's a bad idea, but because it removes all the things that make me feel most comfortable - test scores and grades and rankings. You see, these things let me know in concrete, numerical terms of my success or failure as an educator/mentor. If my child can memorize her geography lesson and get an A on the test, that means we've succeeded, right? Well, no. According to my new goals, it doesn't necessarily mean that. It just means that she has good memorization skills. So, how does one measure success when it comes to inspiration and desire to learn? I wasn't sure of the answer, I just knew that it was where I wanted this journey to take us, but being a person that has always desired a solid measure of success, I continued to doubt myself.

Then, one moment on a typical Tuesday morning the answer was gifted to me. As we enjoyed our usual morning free time, me - sipping a cup of tea and wasting time on Pinterest and she - playing a game on her computer, I heard her excited, little voice call to me to, "Come see this. It's really cool!" So, expecting to be entertained by a new creation in Minecraft, I sat down beside her, but when I looked at the screen, instead I saw beautiful images of volcanoes, and an article about them. As she burst forth with all the information she had just learned from her research, I started to smile, and my heart started to sing a bit. I asked her why she was reading about volcanoes, and she simply stated, "because I was curious. They're interesting." In that one moment, I was affirmed and my doubt started to fade.You see, during her free time, she chose to learn, and was excited to do so. It didn't matter the subject or the method or if she could score an A on a test about it layer. It mattered that she genuinely wanted to learn, and that is what I hope to continue to nurture - the love of learning. I'd say we're doing just fine so far...

Let Go

So, truth be told, I've been flying blind for this first month and a half of homeschooling. We've been piecing together lessons as we go and really just trying to get used to this whole new world that we've entered. My brain is full, no let's say overflowing from all that I've researched and read during this time period. Until a month and a half ago I had no idea that there were so many different educational philosophies and so many resources to choose from. I've read endless amounts of "a day in the life" blogs trying to get a glimpse of how others choose to school their kids, talked to local homeschool families about their methods, evaluated different resources, and it is finally starting to sink in...that which I knew deep inside from the beginning...it's not about what everyone else is doing. That's kind of the whole point of homeschool. It's about finding what works for you and your children. Not about mimicking others. It's not about recreating the public school day at home. It's not about having the exact same daily routine, curriculum or lack thereof as other homeschoolers. So we've started focusing on us. How do we like to learn? Do we like to have a set schedule or just wing it? What subject matter do we want to learn this year? When you start this journey, it's so easy to worry. To worry over the expectations of others, to worry about how your day compares, to worry that you're not doing enough to help your child learn, to worry that you might be doing it all wrong, but I'm finally learning that we have to let go of that. It's about my children, my family. What works for us, and while we're still trying new things and figuring out which parts to keep and which parts to let go of, we're loving this journey forward together, and my only regret is that we didn't do this sooner.

You're NOT my mom...

When the hubby and I moved in together many moons ago (okay, it was 12 1/2 years ago, but many moons sounds more dramatic), it was a package deal. See, I not only got a terrific guy in my life, but I also got his little girl. She was around 2 at the time, and I will never forget the initial terrifying feeling the first time she called him daddy in front of me, and I realized that this was a HUGE very real deal. If I decided to move in with and possibly marry this man, it meant that I had to also be willing to be an "instant mom" to this sweet little girl. Could I love her the way she deserved? Could I be a good mom? Was I ready for all this? Long story a little shorter - I took the leap and never looked back. And, I've been lucky as she has always been this reasonable, sweet, laid back child for the most part. She and I accepted each other with open arms and hearts, and I have always felt fortunate to call her my daughter.

I have always tried to treat her the way that I would if she were my own daughter by birth, and although she doesn't have the most healthy relationship with her biological mom, I have never tried to push my way in, because I acknowledge that I am not technically her mother. I have tried to be the mother that she needs and deserves without pushing. I know as a mother to my own little one now that I would have a BIG problem with anyone else trying to mother my little girl, so I try my best to respect that boundary where my stepdaughter and her mother's relationship is concerned, even if I feel that she doesn't deserve "mom of the year". It hasn't always been easy. Being a stepparent is a tricky thing, and unfortunately, I know way too many stepparent/stepchild relationships that are not in a good place.

Although my stepdaughter and I have always had a good relationship, I've often wondered if the day would come - the dreaded day - where we would butt heads (because we do from time to time - I mean, she IS a teenager after all), and those horrible words would come out of her mouth - "You're NOT my mom!" We all know how teens can be, and it would not be a shock for that moment to happen during one of their "I know everything, and you can't tell me otherwise" rants. What I didn't expect, what left me a little speechless and unprepared, and what brought tears to my eyes quicker than the previous comment might have was to hear the following words from my stepdaughter last night... "I know that my mom gave birth to me, and she is my "mom", but in all other ways, you have always been my mom - you ARE my mom, and you're a great mom." Talk about a flood of emotion! I felt love, gratitude, relief...knowing that she gets it. Without using the words through these years, she felt it, she knows that I've done my best to be a mother to her in every way that I know how. That's all I'll ever need to know - that she feels that she has had a mom (and a "good" one at that), because everyone deserves to have that. I know I shouldn't have needed to hear that - simply knowing it in my own heart should be enough - but it felt great nonetheless, and I feel even more appreciative that this amazing little girl forever changed me 12 1/2 years ago and continues to do so.