One Moment

As we've begun homeschooling, I've quickly learned over the past few months that it's pretty much guaranteed that you're going to experience a lot of self doubt when you're homeschooling - at least initially. Am I doing this right? Are my kids learning anything? Are they learning enough? Am I teaching them the right things?

And here's one moment that cancelled much of that doubt for me...

I've been doing a lot of thinking since we embarked on this homeschool journey about what my goals are. What do I see as a positive end result, a symbol of success? If I could choose a main goal for our homeschool experience what would it be? For me, it would be that my child learns to love learning. Not that she memorizes a zillion useless facts or can blow people away with her intelligence, but simply that she enjoys learning new things and actively seeks out knowledge for the rest of her life. No dread of cracking open a book to look something up out of obligation, but instead a desire and enthusiasm to do so of her own accord.

I'll be honest, this frightened me a bit at first. Not because it's an unattainable goal or because it's a bad idea, but because it removes all the things that make me feel most comfortable - test scores and grades and rankings. You see, these things let me know in concrete, numerical terms of my success or failure as an educator/mentor. If my child can memorize her geography lesson and get an A on the test, that means we've succeeded, right? Well, no. According to my new goals, it doesn't necessarily mean that. It just means that she has good memorization skills. So, how does one measure success when it comes to inspiration and desire to learn? I wasn't sure of the answer, I just knew that it was where I wanted this journey to take us, but being a person that has always desired a solid measure of success, I continued to doubt myself.

Then, one moment on a typical Tuesday morning the answer was gifted to me. As we enjoyed our usual morning free time, me - sipping a cup of tea and wasting time on Pinterest and she - playing a game on her computer, I heard her excited, little voice call to me to, "Come see this. It's really cool!" So, expecting to be entertained by a new creation in Minecraft, I sat down beside her, but when I looked at the screen, instead I saw beautiful images of volcanoes, and an article about them. As she burst forth with all the information she had just learned from her research, I started to smile, and my heart started to sing a bit. I asked her why she was reading about volcanoes, and she simply stated, "because I was curious. They're interesting." In that one moment, I was affirmed and my doubt started to fade.You see, during her free time, she chose to learn, and was excited to do so. It didn't matter the subject or the method or if she could score an A on a test about it layer. It mattered that she genuinely wanted to learn, and that is what I hope to continue to nurture - the love of learning. I'd say we're doing just fine so far...

Let Go

So, truth be told, I've been flying blind for this first month and a half of homeschooling. We've been piecing together lessons as we go and really just trying to get used to this whole new world that we've entered. My brain is full, no let's say overflowing from all that I've researched and read during this time period. Until a month and a half ago I had no idea that there were so many different educational philosophies and so many resources to choose from. I've read endless amounts of "a day in the life" blogs trying to get a glimpse of how others choose to school their kids, talked to local homeschool families about their methods, evaluated different resources, and it is finally starting to sink in...that which I knew deep inside from the beginning...it's not about what everyone else is doing. That's kind of the whole point of homeschool. It's about finding what works for you and your children. Not about mimicking others. It's not about recreating the public school day at home. It's not about having the exact same daily routine, curriculum or lack thereof as other homeschoolers. So we've started focusing on us. How do we like to learn? Do we like to have a set schedule or just wing it? What subject matter do we want to learn this year? When you start this journey, it's so easy to worry. To worry over the expectations of others, to worry about how your day compares, to worry that you're not doing enough to help your child learn, to worry that you might be doing it all wrong, but I'm finally learning that we have to let go of that. It's about my children, my family. What works for us, and while we're still trying new things and figuring out which parts to keep and which parts to let go of, we're loving this journey forward together, and my only regret is that we didn't do this sooner.

You're NOT my mom...

When the hubby and I moved in together many moons ago (okay, it was 12 1/2 years ago, but many moons sounds more dramatic), it was a package deal. See, I not only got a terrific guy in my life, but I also got his little girl. She was around 2 at the time, and I will never forget the initial terrifying feeling the first time she called him daddy in front of me, and I realized that this was a HUGE very real deal. If I decided to move in with and possibly marry this man, it meant that I had to also be willing to be an "instant mom" to this sweet little girl. Could I love her the way she deserved? Could I be a good mom? Was I ready for all this? Long story a little shorter - I took the leap and never looked back. And, I've been lucky as she has always been this reasonable, sweet, laid back child for the most part. She and I accepted each other with open arms and hearts, and I have always felt fortunate to call her my daughter.

I have always tried to treat her the way that I would if she were my own daughter by birth, and although she doesn't have the most healthy relationship with her biological mom, I have never tried to push my way in, because I acknowledge that I am not technically her mother. I have tried to be the mother that she needs and deserves without pushing. I know as a mother to my own little one now that I would have a BIG problem with anyone else trying to mother my little girl, so I try my best to respect that boundary where my stepdaughter and her mother's relationship is concerned, even if I feel that she doesn't deserve "mom of the year". It hasn't always been easy. Being a stepparent is a tricky thing, and unfortunately, I know way too many stepparent/stepchild relationships that are not in a good place.

Although my stepdaughter and I have always had a good relationship, I've often wondered if the day would come - the dreaded day - where we would butt heads (because we do from time to time - I mean, she IS a teenager after all), and those horrible words would come out of her mouth - "You're NOT my mom!" We all know how teens can be, and it would not be a shock for that moment to happen during one of their "I know everything, and you can't tell me otherwise" rants. What I didn't expect, what left me a little speechless and unprepared, and what brought tears to my eyes quicker than the previous comment might have was to hear the following words from my stepdaughter last night... "I know that my mom gave birth to me, and she is my "mom", but in all other ways, you have always been my mom - you ARE my mom, and you're a great mom." Talk about a flood of emotion! I felt love, gratitude, relief...knowing that she gets it. Without using the words through these years, she felt it, she knows that I've done my best to be a mother to her in every way that I know how. That's all I'll ever need to know - that she feels that she has had a mom (and a "good" one at that), because everyone deserves to have that. I know I shouldn't have needed to hear that - simply knowing it in my own heart should be enough - but it felt great nonetheless, and I feel even more appreciative that this amazing little girl forever changed me 12 1/2 years ago and continues to do so.

I want you, but I don't need you...

The hubby and I celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary yesterday, and it felt great to know that 10 years later, I still love him with my whole heart, and I would still choose him all over again if given the choice. Don't get me wrong, we've had our ups and downs just like any other couple, but we've worked to maintain our relationship and helped it to evolve and change when it needed to in order to keep us happily together.

I found myself thinking yesterday about how short ten years seems, but it's still an accomplishment in these times where divorce is so much more common. That got me thinking further as to what has kept my hubby and me together for these ten years, and while we were discussing between us the "secret" to a long and happy marriage, this is where we found ourselves - we love each other, and we want each other in our lives, but we don't "need" each other. Okay, at first read, this sounded bad to me. What?! We don't NEED each other?! and the answer is - no. Let me explain a little further...

Each of us is happy and content within ourselves. We don't put the pressure on the other to create that happiness for us, because that is something everyone, and I mean everyone, has to find for themselves. You are responsible for your own happiness and joy. You have to find those things in life, and then, when you have found them and can independently be happy, you can share with others, and they with you, and you can enhance each others' happiness even more. The "icing on the cake" if you will. Too many people are constantly relying on others to make them happy or to boost their confidence or lead them where they need to be and will place the blame on them instantly the minute they don't feel things are how they want them to be, but true happiness, confidence and guidance comes from within - the rest, the external stuff, is just bonus candy. So, while I adore my hubby and WANT him in my life forever, and love the extra happiness and confidence that he provides me with, I don't NEED it. I don't need him, I don't require him, I CHOOSE him.

Love for the Keurig

Is it wrong to love an appliance? because I'm pretty sure I'm best friends with my Keurig. I got very excited this morning when I discovered the box amidst all the stacks of boxes still waiting to be unpacked in the new kitchen. Felt a little like Christmas morning pulling my beloved machine from the box and finding just the right spot for it. I've had it for about 6 months, and I still get just as excited every time I pop in the canister and push the little button to brew a cup of tea. It's the perfect little thing for someone like me. I drink a cup of tea in the morning and then sometimes a cup in the afternoon or evening when I sit down to relax. Is it just as easy to heat up the kettle or pop a mug of water in the microwave? sure, but it's just so much more fun to push the button and listen the the whir of the Keurig! I'm not sure why, but it is. I could see it not being the best choice for a family that drinks a lot of coffee or tea, since you brew each cup individually, but for me - perfection! In fact, I'm enjoying a delightful cup of tea as I type this. Cheers!

Why I Love Plastic Totes

I know, it's kind of a weird thing to love, right?! Plastic totes? but I do - I love them. Let me tell you why...

I am a neat freak. I have to have my things organized as you can tell from checking out some of my organizational posts over at http://awisewomansaid.blogspot.com/. Everything needs it's own little place. It's actually kind of funny, because I'm not necessarily a "clean" freak. I can go a long time without dusting or vacuuming no problem (maybe I shouldn't admit that), but if things are scattered about or cluttered it drives me mad...mad I tell ya! (By the way - you're supposed to imagine me shaking my fists in the air while I shout that part) In all my organizing glory, I have tried many options including pretty little baskets, buckets, drawers, fabric bins...you get the idea, but the plastic bins and totes with lids seem to be the winner. Not only do they hold up the best, they can be wiped down easily if they get dirty or dusty, they also stack well and here's the best part.....drumroll please...if you need to rearrange or move it makes things SO easy! I am currently in the process of packing up the house to move, and I have been so pleased by how little packing I am having to do. I already keep so many items organized in totes with lids that all we're gonna have to do is close them up, maybe secure the lid with a little tape, and voila! ready to load in the truck. It has really reduced my packing time and my need to hunt down more boxes for packing.

So, next time you're doing some organizing, and you're trying to choose between adorable fabric lined baskets...skips those and go for the plastic totes instead!

No, It's Not Okay to Be Fat and Proud

Alright - I might get a little flamed for this one, but I'm gonna do it anyway - guess what ladies...it is NOT okay to be fat and proud of it. This comment arises, because I have been seeing more and more articles and commentary on body acceptance lately. Real women have curves, real women eat cake, real women are not a size 6....you get the idea. And I get it, I do, and I fully support the concept of loving your body rather than living in self hatred, but something that's getting left out is that part of loving your body is taking care of it and keeping it healthy. This does not mean it's okay to be complacent with being 50 pounds overweight. This does not mean it's okay to eat a diet of nothing but empty calories and fatty, sugar-filled foods. Before anyone asks - no, this is not coming from a size 2, perfect body who exercises all the time and never eats junk food, but I do feel the line is being crossed between loving and accepting the differences in our bodies versus accepting it is okay and the norm to be overweight and unhealthy. We all have different body types - curvy, flat, larger hips, no hips, larger butts, that little belly pooch that never goes away for some of us after having kids (I speak from experience on that one), and I completely agree that we need to love those quirks about ourselves - say it with me - my boobs now sag, but I love them anyway! It is what makes us all unique and some of it is just our genetics or what happens as we age. I do, however, have a problem with women who consistently avoid exercise and eat processed, unhealthy, high calorie foods and are proud of the state that their bodies are in. Love your body, yes, but take care of it! Just because a large portion of American women are larger these days does not mean it is okay and something to embrace. If you're eating plenty of healthy foods, exercising your body and mind, and your body is still not  in "perfect" shape - love it anyway! I'm totally on board with that! Don't beat yourself up trying to look 20 years younger or like the models you see in ads that never eat a carb, but if you're just plain overweight as a result of fueling yourself with indulgent foods and exercise to you is walking to the end of the driveway to get the mail - you might want to take a second look. May I also add that it's just as bad to deprive your body of ever having a carb, to eat an unhealthy small amount of nourishment or to follow these wacky fad diets. I'm not just picking on the overweight ladies here. It's about being healthy. It's about proper nutrition and exercise. Take care of your bodies, ladies, that's how to love them! Just my two cents.