Woman Make Fire

It's been a wee bit chilly around here the past couple of days. Okay, more than a wee bit! It sleeted/snowed most of the day yesterday and was 14 degrees when I got up this morning. Brrrr! As someone who has lived in a rather warm climate the past 10 years, this is a little bit of a shock to the system. Kind of makes me just want to hibernate until Spring. You're now picturing me as a large, grumpy bear aren't you? Well, if you weren't - NOW you are. ;)

On the positive side of all the chill (yes, I have found the positive side!) is the fact that I LOVE a nice, cozy fire! Something about that crackling sound just soothes me, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who loves to quietly admire a fire - such beauty. It really is like a work of art the way the flames dance around with various shades of red and orange - almost hypnotizing. Mmmm...now I feel nice and toasty!

Are We Missing the Point?

I am mostly writing this post for myself - as a means of trying to put down in form some of the many thoughts that have passed through my mind since Friday. I have had trouble finding words up until this point, and, in all truth, have done my best to avoid thoughts on the situation, but I feel it helpful to use this as a source of release at this point, so I can push it out and make room for more pleasant things in my mind...

Ironically, I was waiting in the pick up line at the little one's school on Friday when I heard about the incident at Sandy Hook. My heart sank as the details became clearer to me, and I could not even begin to wrap my mind around the tragedy. Moments later, I fought back tears as I saw my own smiling child exit through the school doors and head toward my car - struggling against the overwhelming urge to get out of the car and run to meet her where I could scoop her up safe in my arms. I brought her home as usual, gave her even bigger, longer hugs than I usually do and acted as if it were any other afternoon, but in truth at that point all that was running through my head was that I would never let her out of my sight again - the world is a scary place. I decided that for my own sanity, I needed to put it aside and took care over the weekend to stay away from all the television, radio and constant Facebook chatter about it. I won't lie and say it wasn't incredibly difficult to drop her off at school on Monday. The larger than life police car parked in front of the school and the uniformed officer at the door added to the anxiety rather than helping it. I came home and had a private moment to myself to shed a few tears over those that had been lost and those that were left behind. It just hits way too close to home - as I'm sure it does for every parent out there, but I realize that we cannot change what happened - we can only send our sympathies to those affected, grieve in our own way and move forward.

And so now the healing begins - people are seeking answers - as they always do. People are looking for someone to blame or action to take. I see discussions arguments everywhere about gun control, video game/movie violence, school security or a godless society that needs prayer in schools, and while I see some valid and not so valid points on those topics - one thing is being blatantly left out here - human beings. Are we missing the key point that this act of violence was not carried out by a gun acting by itself or a downfall in school procedure or the devil possessing a human body - it was a human being that did this. A human being that perhaps just needed some kindness or attention in their life that they never got - or maybe even some psychiatric care that was not available. Maybe they just needed someone to notice that they were struggling towards that breaking point and to intervene on their behalf to save them from themselves. I think that we as human beings need to consider and become more aware of our fellow man. Be kind to those around us. Notice those that are alone or struggling and try to help them in the ways that we are able - whether it be through friendship and support or through guiding them to get the mental health help that they require - and making sure that that help is accessible. Look out for one another. It is happening way too often that individuals are being ignored, abused, bullied and belittled to the point that they feel so alone and angered that their answer is violence. Can we stop this with a little love and compassion? I don't know for sure - none of us do. In a time where everyone wants answers, I hate to admit that there are none - not easy, concrete ones at least, but I can tell you this - it's certainly not going to hurt to do our best to be kind and aware and make everyone feel that they are loved and that they matter. I'm not unrealistic, and I do realize that this problem cannot be "loved" away either. There are many out there that have such a confused mental state that a little kindness is not going to fix them, but being aware and realistic about those issues and taking the steps to keep those individuals and others safe from their potential actions is a necessity. We, as a society, have got to learn to respect and protect each other.

They CAN survive without me!?!

I have never spent more than 24 hours away from my child. I know, I know, this may seem weird to some, but that's just how things happened. Usually, if I need to go somewhere, she goes with me. So, when I decided to go away for 4 days alone for my sister's wedding, I was in a panic about leaving the hubby and little one all alone. Oh the horror! What might happen to them while I was gone. How would they survive without me cooking, cleaning and planning their days? I left lists for hubby about what needed to be done each day. I even picked out clothes for the one school day they would have to somehow muddle through without me and packed the backpack and lunchbox as much as I could, so they would have little to do. Yes - in case you're wondering - I am a little OCD and somewhat of a control freak, but we can revisit that topic on another day.

Well, turns out they CAN survive without me! Shocking, right?! I returned to a clean home and a happy hubby and child. They had even done the little one's homework before coming to pick me up from the airport. I'm not sure what I expected to find really? - pizza boxes piled high with the little one swinging from the ceiling fans and ice cream melting on the couch? I have to admit, at first I had mixed emotions over the realization that they could survive without me - one side felt a little sad that I was not as "important" as I pictured myself to be, but then an even stronger feeling of relief took over upon realization that while I enjoy being the queen of the household and taking care of everyone - it is not a burdening necessity. Good to know that in times when I need a break, the household will survive and so will I.

Guess Who's Not Coming to Dinner?

This will be my first Thanksgiving in about 8 years that will not involve any extended family. I miss my family bunches, since we moved cross country this summer, and I know that sitting around a huge turkey with just me, the hubby and little one might create a lump so big in my throat that I won't be able to enjoy my usual gigantic helping of mashed potatoes. Don't get me wrong, I adore spending time with just the hubby and little one, but this is different.

So, what's a girl to do?? Well, hubby and I decided to completely change it up this year. We're going out to eat. Ever wonder who goes out to a restaurant on the biggest cooking/eating day of the year - this year it's gonna be me and the fam. Truthfully, I'm looking forward to it! No grocery shopping, cooking or dishes - just good food and conversation. The little one and I have decided we will still bake some desserts, because I must have leftover pumpkin pie with a huge pile of whipped cream later that evening and for breakfast on the day after Thanksgiving, but other than that it's going to be a worry-free Thanksgiving. Who knows, maybe we'll like it so much it will become a new tradition?!

Replaying the Past and Stressing over the Future

I'll be totally open and honest (as I promised to be when I started this blog) - I'm going through a "rough patch". I worry. I worry a lot. about EVERYTHING. I worry about my health, I worry about my family. I worry about the rational and the irrational until I exhaust myself with worry. I work myself into panic mode and back down again, and then I worry some more. I recently started seeing a psychiatrist to try to get to the root of my worry and fix it, and can I tell you - it takes a lot of effort for me to just type those sentences. The fact of it is, I've been ashamed of this problem for so long - fearing that sharing the information with others will paint a picture of me in a negative light. Emilie's weak, Emilie's weird, Emilie's crazy... while the truth is - I'm just a normal human being that has a problem that requires attention. And the more important truth is - if anyone judges me or shines that negative light on me because of this information, then they are not a person that I need in my life.

Because of this quest to get myself back to "normal", I have been doing a lot of reading lately, and something I found this week has really stuck with me. In a nutshell, it says that usually people who are anxious spend the majority of their time either replaying the past or stressing over what might happen in the future, when what we need to do is focus on the present. The more we are able to focus on the present and those things that are currently in our control, the less out of control and anxious we can feel. Focus on this day, this hour, this minute even - those are the things that we are currently truly faced with. Why worry about what will happen tomorrow or 2 years from now? and it's even more futile to replay past events and worry over how we would change them or pine to relive them. We cannot go back to that point in time and we can't predict the future, so why spend so much of our lives consumed by either of them? So, I'm working on this, and I would challenge others to do the same. Let go of the past, quit stressing over the future - just live in the moment before it passes us by.

Always Be Yourself...Unless You Can Be Batman, Always Be Batman!

I have seen this quote around quite a few times lately in random places, and it makes me chuckle every time. Not only because it's funny, but because I have always been a Batman fan! Grew up watching cheesy Adam West style Batman - which incidentally will always be my favorite. You gotta love a show with "Pow!", "Bam!" subtitles popping up during the action scenes! Then came cartoon style Batman (yes - I know the correct word is animated, but cartoon style sounds more fun), and I'm pretty sure I just about peed my little girl pants every time Batman and Robin would magically appear on Scooby Doo?! Talk about double score..Scooby Doo AND Batman = awesomeness!

So, this brought me to ponder (in case you're wondering, I tend to ponder unimportant things pretty often...it's part of my charm) the reasons why I like Batman so much. Not only is he totally cool with what is quite possibly the best car around, but truth be told, he's just a normal guy. Okay, okay, so he's a super rich "normal" guy with lots of neat gadgets, but stick with me. He doesn't have any "super powers" other than wanting to do good and protect people from harm. He wasn't bitten by radioactive spiders or sent from another planet where people are born able to fly and have x-ray vision. He's just a normal guy that finds his own way to make the world a better place.

Stick with me folks, this is where my innocent pondering of the "unimportant" takes a more important, philosophical turn - as it tends to do on occasion...

So, while we can not all be Batman in the literal sense of wearing a cool hero suit and fighting super villains with our nifty bat gear, we CAN do our best to protect others from harm and make the world a better place. Help those you see in need in any capacity that you are able to do so. Whether it's something as simple as opening a door for someone with a smile or offering to help reach an item on the shelf for someone at the store - or something more like volunteering some time at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter. We can all be someone's hero if we make an effort. Let's face it, the world needs more heroes and a lot less villains these days. I challenge you to BE the good in the world, make a difference every day... Always Be the Batman!

That's all for now folks - tune in next time...same bat time, same bat channel!

Just Like My Sisters

I am the baby of the family, and growing up I always wanted to be like my older sisters. They were older, wiser and SO much cooler than me. I wanted the clothes they had, the music they listened to and don't even get me started on the hairstyle envy - oh how I begged for them to show me how they got those wonderful big bangs to stay put... Yes, I grew up in the 80s, and no, I am not ashamed of my excessive hairspray usage, my use of phrases like "gag me with a spoon" and an unhealthy love of leg warmers. Hey - they were very stylish back then! I hear leg warmers are becoming popular again, and I say - Count me in!

Sorry - got off track there for a minute with all my "relive the 80s" excitement! The point is (yes, I do usually come around to a point eventually if you stick with my rambling long enough), I got the idea to start a blog mostly from one of my sisters. She has been keeping a blog for awhile now. Feel free to check it out (http://reallyreallyrealhousewives.blogspot.com/)! What I love most about her blog is that although we are many miles apart right now, every day I read her blog and I get a little bit of her in my life. I love the totally random posts best. The things that aren't particularly important or earth shattering, those that are day to day things that I would probably have missed if she didn't blog about them. The "good stuff" as I like to call it, because for a moment it makes me feel like I am right there with her.

I hope to follow in my big sis' footsteps to share a little of my own day-to-day randomness in hopes of making those that are closest to my heart but not so close to my house feel like they are still a part of my day! I encourage everyone to do the same - whether it be through a blog, text messages, emails, phone calls, etc... Share the trivial stuff with those closest to you - not just the pressing, important items, because the randomness is who you are - it's the good stuff!

Words Escape Me

I love reading other people's blogs. I chuckle at their little whimsical jokes or hold my breath while I read their more serious reflections. So, I thought to myself - start a blog Em - just do it! Maybe others will be as moved and entertained by your own musings. Problem is, I tend to be one of those people that can sit and create a story in my head quite well - or even out loud - but when it comes time to put pencil to paper (or fingers to keyboard these days) I go blank. Nothingness.... no witty words or amusing anecdotes. I type and then backspace and retype - a lot! So today, I sit here - attempting something new - not to type what I think others will find interesting or brilliant, not worrying about the use of vocabulary or how it will be perceived by others - but instead pouring out what instantly comes to my head - unedited, unplanned - just simply being me. So, I've decided that's what this blog will be - just pure, simple and raw - emotions revealed, thoughts shared, an open book - just me - simply being Em.